Saturday, January 20, 2007

Saint Delia's Halo Finally Slips

Mike an Delia Exposed!

Poor old Delia (the poor man's Nigella Lawson) has finally let slip a few home truths about Norwich City at the annual shareholders' meeting.

According to the EDP, Delia said, “. . . she is willing to give up her role as Norwich City's “sugar mummy” - as long as any new investor brought 'new' money into the club.

City's joint majority share holder, along with husband Michael Wynn Jones, told the club's annual general meeting last night that anyone with sufficient funds could try their hand on the Carrow Road tiller.

However she emphasised that simply purchasing her and her husband's shares was not the answer.

“I have been here 10 years and nobody has ever come in seriously,” she said. “We have had the odd letter but nobody has ever seriously said, 'look, I will give this money if you let me have a seat on the board'.

“If people want to come along and offer Michael and me a large amount of money for our shares what is that going to do? That is going to give us a lot of money but it is not going to help the football club.

“The only way we would relinquish our shares is if somebody is going to put money into the football. Only if they put money into the squad - not if they buy our shares, we don't want money. It has to be that there is money for the squad, serious money for the squad.”

Now, this is interesting. Let's analyse what she actually said. To paraphrase: in order to tempt Delia into parting with her shares, there would have to be a big money offer. That being achieved, she would sell.

Wait a minute! Is this not the same St Delia who masquerades as Norwich City's saviour and benefactor? Surely not. If it were, she would be lobbying for anyone with real money to join the board. Buying her shares is irrelevant. What she is actually saying is: NCFC is up for sale. Anyone with enough money can buy it. I will sell my shares – as long as I get a good price. Does that sound like a selfless benefactor to you?

I have a solution. Let Delia sell half her shares for inflated prices. Then she can put millions into the club with the proceeds. I would love to see someone call her bluff!

Don't hold your breath. Asphyxiation is painful and final.

The EEN printed a series of questions they put to the shareholders' meeting. Here's my take.

What has happened to our youth policy?

Peter Grant – Och aye! We dinna have any good young players – and if we did we would sell them.

Why wasn't Nigel sacked sooner? Why did we sign just one player in the summer?

St. Delia: We didn't sack Nigel sooner because, for all his faults; he never criticised the Board. Even when we made it impossible for him to get any good players he loyally maintained that everything was super excellent and that I was a fantastic employer. What more would you want? We only signed one player in the summer because we will not pay the wages needed to get good players. It's as simple as that. Pass the doughnuts, please.

Where has the passion gone from Norwich City players?

Grantie: Probably down Ber Street – or maybe to one of the nightclubs down Riverside.

Why has so little money apparently been made available for new players? Will the Board free up money for the manager to spend in the transfer window?

Chief Executive Neil (Numpty) Doncaster: We can't make money available because if we did, where would my pay rise come from? And, Delia and Michael would have to stop pocketing the assets of the club.

Some questions the EEN is still waiting for answers to. I can help them out.

Why is it so difficult to get players to come here or clubs, such as Arsenal, to agree to loan deals?

Numptie Neil: Top class players will come here if we pay top class wages. I've already explained - we are not going to pay top class wages, so we have to make do with second-rate players. Thankfully, the local press (thanks guys) usually drool when when we sign anyone and pretend that whoever we sign is a great player. It's amazing really – the press are so thick!

Why should the board expect fans to sign up for season tickets next season?

St Delia: Why not? We've been short-changing them for years and they still pile through the turnstiles. I guess Norfolk folks are just thick-os. Please don't quote me on that (after all, I live in Suffolk).

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