“The problem with the weather is that everyone talks about it, but nobody ever does anything about it”
So true. But, I have a plan. It's a bit radical but it will work. I think.
Let's all up sticks and move to France – well acutally let's move to the best bits of France, kick out the cheese-eating surrender monkeys that are currently infesting the area and take over.
Sound good? It should do, for it's all been done before.
The Angevin Empire of Henry II was a cracking example of how to both improve the area and also get rid of the Frogs. Henry nicked the French king's wife and with Normandy already his dukedom by the time the French woke up to what was happening all they could do was shout Merde!
We'll even let them keep Normandy – after all the climate isn't really much better that England's. What we really want is Gascony, Maine, Aquitaine and Anjou. These are the best bits climate-wise and also grow some great wine grapes!
Is there room? Well it might be a bit of a squeeze but what the heck, the English are used to queuing!
Wait a minute, if we go for the whole nine yards and hit the Froggies with the Henry V thing, we can get the lot!
You will remember that Henry would have become King of France had he lived just a little while longer, but passed the crown to his son, Henry VI, who was crowned King of France.
Now the Queen is pretty much a decendent of Henry VI (give or take a few Germans along the way) so all we have to do is swap places with the Frenchies and we take her with us! I think she'd be Elizabeth I of France.
Works for me!
So we swap the whole country. Even the bits of France which aren't completely sun-drenched could be useful. There are some English people who don't really relish the sun and the heat. (They are probably direct descendents of the Germans who took over the place in the 450's). Hengst and Horsa, eat your hearts out!
Sometimes I frighten myself with my own brilliance!