Friday, November 26, 2010

Royal Weddings

Cameron Smacks Lips!

A real cynic (me included) could hardly contain themselves - as David Cameron could hardly contain himself when announcing the forth-coming royal nuptials.

He must have thought all his Christmases had come, and come very early!

A real cynic might even have wondered if their wasn't some Prime-Ministerial connivance with the interested parties? After all, this joyous occasion could not only bury any bad news the government wishes, but also provide a much needed kick start to the economy and a rise in the feel-good factor by a factor of mucho!

Nobody does it better. When it comes to a royal occasion England just can't be beaten. And, the sequence is getting more and more interesting and crowded. Summer 2011, Royal Wedding, Summer 2012, London Olympics. Summer 2012, Queen's Diamond Jubilee. Bonanza for whoever is in government at the time. Cammi-knickers must be licking his lips at the prospect – remember what a fine job the Falklands War did of securing a Conservative majority for beyond a decade. All that's missing is a resurgent NUM for the Tories to persecute and it just could not get better!


I'm not one for indiscriminate betting, but the bookies may have taken a pasting on the date – it's in April whereas they had August as the favourite.


Everybody and their uncle will be trying to find out the details. And, the bookies will take a bet on anything!


One bishop has already resigned for suggesting the marriage won't last. My bets on the Archbishop of Canterbury.


Prince Harry is a certainty – even though he is the spiting image of Hewitt.


News is that the Middletons are involved in the cost – I expect they will provide the dress (perhaps with a donation from Wills.


Odds on a nine-month pregnancy and a baby in January 2012 must be very short – get your bets down now. I expect the Queen's gyno will have already certified the ladies fitness for child-bearing, though expecting her to be a virgin is definitely out.

King Wills?

Not a starter. Despite all the polls saying he'd be better than Charlie, it is not something even remotely possible – barring an early Alzheimers onset for the old Prince of Wales.

Overall Verdict

A cracker. We may all need cheering up as the cuts bite hard. Excellent timing for the Government.


Thursday, November 18, 2010


Not long ago, ah, if I could measure time in my present condition,

I was meandering along with millions of other incomplete incubi

Pretty much looking for romance

And not finding it.

I found the other half and tried tantalisingly to get in

But with little success

For the competition was fierce

And there was no way to sort the wheat from the chaff

It was all a bit of a lottery

Darwin's crap about survival of the fittest

Just doesn't work down at this level

Where a chance encounter with an egg is all that matters

The window is small in time and space

The reward seems infinite and immortal

To the winner a life well worth living

To the loser a quick wipe followed by a flush to oblivion

A lot of trouble to make a chromosome