Saturday, February 19, 2011


Start with a classic:

Why is there only one monopolies commission?

When the swallows come back to Capistrano – where have they been?

Is Cameron's Big Society just a big cock-up?

Will the bankers be first up against the wall when the Revolution starts? Followed closely by the accountants and mathematicians?

Did Fermat give the solution to his Last Theorem to the missus who promptly threw it away thinking it was an old shopping list?

Aegyptus Capta – but by whom or what?

How many failures will the England cricket team have to endure before they realise that Pietersen is fraud who only has one shot and rarely scores big – despite his inflated average on easy wickets against rubbish attacks? I see they now have a new plan – let him open! What a disaster!

Why is football only played at Upton Park and will it move with the Hammers to the Olympic Stadium?

Why is it on a weekend where there is a full programme of rugby internationals the Aviva Premiership has a full programme of club matches? Better yet – why doesn't football do the same thing? If you don't want to lose players for internationals, don't sign them in the first place. Simples.

Did you know that the British Association of Aesthetic Plastic Surgeons can be changed into the acronym Baaps?

Why do the media insist that people who have been shot are “seriously ill” in hospital? They're not ill – they're wounded!!

My plan to make football a real spectacle – an hour before the match both teams are required to complete a ten mile run in under 20 minutes – then have a 10 minute rest – then start the game. Since all the excitement and most of the goals occur in the last 15 minutes when the players are getting knackered, why not wear them out first and avoid the boring 65 minutes at the start of the game? Makes sense to me!

With trouble in Jordan, Saudi Arabia, Libya, etc. are we in for a “summer of discontent”?

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