Dale Farm

Fascists take over Basildon

There are some notable flaws in the English character. For one thing, all Englishmen love a “fiddle”. If they can see a way to make a few bucks without the tax-man knowing, they are definitely up for it. Every time. Fiddling the system is a “victim-less crime” and the English view it as almost a national past-time.

Perversely, they are not so eager to view anyone else's fiddle as victim-less. The papers are usually full of stories about how someone has diddled the authorities and got caught. They receive no sympathy. So, cheating the government whey you do it is good, when someone else does it - it's bad.

Odd.

So, we come to the Dale Farm saga. (Google it to get the details – it's too tedious to recount) The very odd thing about Dale Farm is that it is a victim-less “crime” - yet seemingly the whole nation is united in condemning the travellers who have (horror of horrors) simply fallen foul of the draconian planning process.

The sanctimonious rabble who keep banging on about the law is the law are not only hypocrites (witness the penchant MP's have for fiddling their expenses) but also fascists worthy of a place in the Adolf Hitler Movement for the Elimination of Gypsies and Other Undesirables, and we know where that leads.

Before you conclude that I'm exaggerating or have lost my marbles, let us examine the facts.

Time to check out: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dale_Farm

It should not take too long to realise that the travellers have made a lot of mistakes, yet that pales in comparison to the gormless idiots who are currently running Basildon Council. What is clear is that the idea that Dale Farm is or ever was green belt land is ridiculous. It used to be a scrap yard!

The only reason this has become an issue is because the people who live near the site don't like it. They have hi-jacked Basildon Council and put a bunch of little Adolfs in control whose only mandate is to shift some of the travellers no matter what, no matter how costly and no matter if common sense has to be sacrificed on the altar of bigotry.

And when they have finished, what will have been accomplished? The original site, which does have planning permission will remain. The hard standing and fences on the “illegal” bit will stay. Some of the caravans and structures on the “illegal” bit will also stay. Some of the travellers will have to leave, but the local councils will not provide suitable sites for them to go to.

Result? More agro in more places.

The government should have told Basildon to grant planning permission retrospectively to the site. It's done all the time!

End of problem and 18 million pounds saved.

The rate-payers of Basildon are getting just what they deserve, The travellers are not.

Bumper News Day

Truth is really stranger than ficiton!

Firstly, as I expected, the story about cows attacking the farmer (a bit like man bites dog) was not “the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth”. In a later paper we discover that the very experienced farmer confessed he got himself in a poor position and being trampled by the cows was probably his fault. In trying to get the cows through a very small gate something spooked them and they bolted. Unfortunately, he did not have anywhere to go to get out of their way and got stepped on. Cows 1 – Farmer 0.

Meanwhile 15 October proved to be either the slowest news day of the year, or the day when the loonies took over the EDP and chose which articles to publish.

What a selection!

In no particular order: we have the news that train drivers have been instructed to slow down at level crossings following a spate of accidents. They are now down to 20 mph. Aslef (the train drivers union) decided to act in the interests of train drivers and the travelling public. So good to know that the multi-ton train that just hit you is only moving at 20 mph. This is real progress and will be a comfort to relatives of those now killed at level crossings to know that their loved one was mangled at 20 mph instead of 40!

News from a translation company who are seeking Glaswegian interpreters is all good. They have been inundated by applicants. The free-lancers could earn up to £140 a day helping people from places like Japan, who may have learned their English from the BBC and can not now understand anyone from the Gorbals. If the service is a success it could be extended to other UK cities with difficult accents: Birmingham, Liverpool and Manchester spring to mind.

Meanwhile, John Stafford from Scarborough – a confirmed arachnophobic – is worried that Halloween may be the death of him. He claims that his doctor told him that even the sight of a creepy-crawlie in a display in a window could trigger a fatal heart attack because his heart “is so badly bruised”. Funny, I thought you got that from being dumped by your girlfriend?

Kerry Callard from Devon is in bit trouble. She posted a YouTube video of her car speeding through puddles and drenching some pupils waiting for a bus. Police said the 29 year-old Kerry had contacted them voluntarily about the puddling and the evidence was now being reviewed. Very public-spirited of you Kerry.

From across the pond: down at Bobby Valentines Sports Gallery Cafe (nifty name, huh!) a woman singing karaoke was attacked by six others who did not like her rendition of A Dios Le Pido – a song made famous by Columbian superstar Juanes. ( a Columbian superstar? Is this not the most appalling oxymoron?) Dudes – it's all happening in Stamford, Connecticut – let's all boogie on down and check it out!!

God is after you in Louisville, Kentucky. Ken Pagano, a US Pastor, hosted a rally entitled, “God and guns” which was designed to promote gun rights and church security. Ken is now, apparently, working part-time at a local gun range and founding the International Security Coalition of Clergy with a New York rabbi. I would really like to pray in this guy's church. No, I mean it, honestly!

Chetania Davis, a 22 year old stripper, attacked her co-worker and exotic dancer ( a 52 year old woman – man they must have some wild strippers in Akron, Ohio!!) with the heel of her stiletto because she was afraid of losing her job – claiming that he club already had too many exotic dancers. Sounds like a sequel to that old standard, My Granny is a Lap-dancer at the Shooting Star Hotel! It annoys me intensely that there is no photo of young Chetania or her 52 year-old victim. I surmise that that any 22 year old stripper feeling threatened by a 52 year-old arch rival is pulchritudinously challenged. I'd love to see a photo to confirm my suspicions.

Let's all get down to London's New Wimbledon Theatre this Xmas for their version of Aladdin – starring Baywatch's Pamela Anderson. Now this is real family entertainment! Wait a minute, she's only doing two weeks and the role is then taken up by Paul O'Grady. Tough act to follow Paul. Good luck.

On the local crime scene: two homes in Dorley Dale (near Carlton Colville) were burgled overnight last Monday. A piggy bank was stolen by extracting it through an open window and found near the crime scene – minus the dosh. Contact Lowestoft Police if you can shed light on this porcine larceny.

Finally, and on a related note: a man far too worse for wear witnessed a burglary in Thetford and then, in a remarkably asinine moment, decided to join in when he saw the perpetrator make his escape. Joshua Richardson, 19, was just walking past a residence in Mingay Road (nope, I'm not making this one up either!) when he saw a burglar climbing out of a window. Joshua, in what could be the worst decision since Mrs Hitler said to Mister Hitler, “Well Alois, are you feeling saucy tonight?”, climbed in the window and took some DVD's and cashpoint cards. Richardson admitted burglary and also confessed to the theft of two carper cleaning machines in July. Just what we need – more clean, tidy and house-proud burglars!

There's more, believe it or not, but I just can't go on. It's just too much.

Name Theory

Up the Chavs!

My theory of names reflecting that those unfortunates who are saddled at infancy with a moniker which ensures - in a self-fulfilling prophesy kind of way – that they will be blighted in later life has gained credence through the efforts of Alastair McLean, boss of upmarket travel company, Activities Abroad.

In a letter to customers, he delivered a non-PC attack on the residents of, among many other towns, Dewsbury, West Yorkshire.

He asserts that the following people will not be found on one of his company's holidays: Dazza, Britney, Chardonnay, Shannon (shades of Dewsbury!), Candice and others of that ilk.

Apparently, only Johns, Henrys and Annes will be your companions if you choose his travel company.

He was immediately in hot water with the PC brigade.

It is the curse of the prophet to remain unknown in his own country.

What we need is research. For example, in those areas where the 11 plus exam is still in use for gaining entrance to grammar school it should be possible to test my theory. All we need to do is find out the statistical breakdown of all Christian names of the pupils who take the 11 plus in a given year. Then compare the successful pupils with the percentage of Chav names in the population as a whole.

Ok – it's a start.

I'm convinced I'm right. Name you child Antwan or Chablis and you are sentencing them to a life time in a shell suit. Go on, prove me wrong.

Chavs and Chavistas

Dewsbury? Screwsbury more like it!

Someday I’ve got to get to Dewsbury, West Yorkshire. Some day, but hopefully not too soon.

Dewsbury must be the Chav City, Arizona! Judging by the shenanigans surrounding the “disappearance” of Shannon Matthews, Dewsbury is inhabited by more completely dysfunctional Chavs and Chavettes than anywhere else on the planet.

The Telegraph has the best article to try and explain this intricate and pathetic situation:

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/main.jhtml?xml=/news/2008/04/08/nshannon108.xml

I find it very difficult to judge or even comment on this situation, and I don’t usually find myself at a loss for words!

Here are the highlights of the Telegraph article:

The Daily Telegraph understands that Miss Matthews, who has seven children to five fathers, was arrested on Sunday as she sat in a police car with Det Con Christine Freeman.

Miss Matthews allegedly admitted that she had wanted to leave her boyfriend, Craig Meehan, 22, and that his uncle, Michael Donovan, 39, had offered her a place to stay. Miss Matthews is alleged to have said she intended to leave home but at the last minute "lost her bottle". However, sources said she denied having an affair with Mr Donovan and had not asked him to take Shannon.

Mr Donovan, who slit his wrists while on remand at Leeds Prison on Sunday, is awaiting trial charged with kidnap and false imprisonment.

Mr Meehan is in custody charged with 11 counts of possessing child pornography and will appear before Dewsbury magistrates on Friday.

Now, call me old fashioned, but I’m not convinced that dysfunctional adequately covers the Dewsbury Chavs. Whilst trying desperately to not sound completely like Victor Meldrew, one is tempted to shout, “You cannot be serious!” What chance has society got if the Dewsbury Chavs take over?

Not much.

And, they might.

They might just “out-breed” the rest of us. After all, they seem to have not a lot else to do!

A real case: in my immediate family we have produced four boys. All of them are now just into their thirties. One is married. One has a “partner”. Two have no on-going relationships. None has children.

And the Dewsbury Chavs? Mrs Matthews (and this is no more than an honorary title) has, at last count, seven children by five different fathers. Apparently, she is now fed up with her present “partner” – a gormless looking lad who is charged with child pornography offences.

Ok – we can see the problem – what’s the solution?

I was carelessly musing on this question just the other evening and (jocularly) let slip the contention that perhaps Hitler had the right idea. Certainly there would have been no Chavs or Chavettes in Nuremburg. He would have gassed them.

Consequently, Hitler gave fascists a bad name. And, more importantly, his legacy is to make us all slightly queasy at any idea that bears only the remotest similarity to his obscene attempts to rid Germany of undesirables.

Could it be that in this new century we could dust off some of the ideas and have a sensible discussion?

The European Convention on Human Rights guarantees Ms Matthews the right to a family life. So it should.

Does it also guarantee her the right to reproduce as much and as often with whomever she chooses – whilst the State picks up the tab?

I don’t think it should. I think there should be limits. We can discuss where the limits should be – but, unless we accept that there should be some kind of limit we are open to the charge of fascism. Can we afford to ignore this? No. What chance have we if the fittest in our society choose selfishly to “look after number one” while the Dewsbury Chavs do belly-bouncing - secure in the knowledge that the state (you and I) will pick up the tab?

Now we find that Chief Chavette Matthews has been arrested and charged.

My case is nearly rested. These morons have a right to life – but not an indiscriminate right to breed like rabbits (or perhaps vermin might be more apropos)!

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